All in the family

Over the years I have been surrounded by animals which is hilarious since my mother is not a fan.  This is a trait I got solely from my father.  Starting at the tender age of ten I began horseback riding and in seventh grade I got a pony which was the gateway drug to my future ownership of three more horses.  How my mother coped?  They didn't live at home--they lived at the barn so that was doable.  In fact, I've only been without a horse for less than a year if you can believe it. 

I adopted my first live-at-home pet before Bryan and I got engaged, and Cleo the kitty cat became our Princess.  

 

I even lobbied to have her as our ring bearer but Bryan quickly did the math and realized that would be our first step towards divorce.  After we got married I was hired as Head of Adoptions at an animal shelter.  There was no job that I didn't touch.  Outside ten hours a day, walking and picking up after dogs, cleaning nasty cages, administering medications, taking animals to the vet, you name it and I did it all.  That's how we actually found our next two cats, one kitten named Irwin who was born sick and we cared for him until he had to be put to sleep at 8 weeks old.  Then we went the opposite route and adopted Bert who was 14, deaf and in kidney failure.  We had him a little less than two years.

After the shelter job I became a vet tech and in the beginning I honestly didn't know if I could handle all the emotional stress.  I saw animals so sick and it pained me that I couldn't help them more than I did.  Animals came in to be put to sleep, dogs were terrified in cages, surgeries that had to be tried even with less-than-hopeful results.  I was able to move past that all and do my job, still with empathy and compassion but without the pain in my chest on a day-to-day basis.

I've always had a soft spot for animals is what I'm saying.  I will pull over to the side of the road and move a turtle.  I have called 911 on a family of ducks trapped on the shoulder of the highway and made myself sick wondering how they were doing.  And don't even ask me to count how many times I've done the Ugly Cry at movies or commercials that involve a well-placed montage full of big liquid eyes and a fluffy tail.  I might have even locked myself in the bathroom after watching Dances With Wolves because of Cisco the horse and TwoSocks the wolf.  Might.  You'll have to ask my mom.

So when we got pregnant people started telling me that the cat would be annoying or that she'd fall from her Princess pedestal.  "Because it HAPPENS" they'd say.  "You'll forget to feed her sometimes" I'd hear.  Well then those people mustn't love their pets as much as I love mine I clearly reasoned.  Our cat had a water fountain.  I scooped her litter box twice a day.  If she would lay on me (which was always) and I had to go to the bathroom or answer the phone? I WOULDN'T.  I would stay there until she got up because I didn't want to bother her.  So I actually, honestly and truly, thought everyone ELSE had the pet vs. baby problem and that those concerns didn't and COULDN'T apply to me.

It takes a lot for me to admit this but it's true.  After the baby I turned into a terrible pet owner.

But it all made sense.  Severe sleep deprivation, stress and anxiety with a newborn, a tiny thing sucking on me every two hours and wanting to be held giving me no personal space whatsoever.  So once I'd met every one of Theo's needs, attempted an actual conversation with my husband, and then remembered to wash my face which made me feel downright PAMPERED, I literally had nothing left to give the cat.  I just gave her a heaping bowl of food to nibble on over a few days as opposed to Before Theo where she got precisely measured kibble twice a day at the exact same times.  The litter box got scooped once a week at best.  If she tried to lay on me I'd feel claustrophobic because just GET OFF ME ALREADY, GOD.  The sound of her chatting and meowing was like nails on a chalkboard and her hair all over the house even after I finally cleaned and what is the name of that hairless breed again?  Woe.

But what breaks my heart the most?  Is that she never acted out by any of the major changes in our house.  Was, and still is, tolerant of Theo and his unpredictable behavior.  She gladly accepts any touch we give her and her eyes roll in the back of her head and she purrs and purrs and purrs with delight.  She'll sit by an empty food bowl waiting without complaint (well, for a little while at least).  And yes she's getting older so she has toned down a bit, evidenced by her lack of hunting milk rings as of late.  We bought her a special fluffy bed, and I've even been known to move it in front of the picture window so she can rest in the sun and chatter at the robins.

I never thought I'd be this way after having kids, but then again I never knew what would happen to my heart once they arrived.  My edginess has worn off to a degree and I think the four of us are getting along much better now.  I hope anyone who is pregnant with pets doesn't befall the same fate but take a tip from me, realize that if it DOES happen that doesn't mean you love your pet any less.  ANYTHING can make you crabby when you're tired and overwhelmed.  And if you have a fabulous furry friend like we do, she will understand and love you to bits anyway.

 

Comments

[AndreAnna]

We had two cats and one dog when we had our first baby. One cat was (and still is) awesome. One cat lost his ever-loving mind, peed on everything that smelled like the baby, and ran away and went feral. Swear. Was really sad, and really weird.

The dog (who was a pitbull) was always a little fearful and one day went after the baby. She had to be put down and that's still I day I can't think about without the Ugly Cry.

Then we got our Goldendoodle puppy when our second baby was only 5 months old. People said we were crazy but we were already up in the middle of the night and cleaning up messes. I'm so glad we did it. She is such a mild-mannered, even-tempered dog, and because she grew up in the chaos, she handles it with aplomb. I'm very happy now with our little fur/non-fur family.

BUT when I had a newborn attached to my boobies all hours of the day, if the cat's tail so much as grazed my arm, IT WAS ON. I was going to make him a giant fluffy HAT.

[Val]

Same story here. Our cat Quintzy still gets less attention than he deserves. He's so good with the kids, and yet, when the day ends, we're so beat we give him two or three quick scratches and fall into bed. He likes it best when I have a day off and I send the kids to daycare anyway because then he and I can sit at home, veg on the couch and watch movies all day. :)

[Kate]

Oh man can I relate to this post. We too have become terrible pet owners. We're impatient, suddenly hate all the hair, and (I hate to admit this) on more than on occassion have forgotten to feed them. But you are so right, even if I snap at them it doesn't mean I don't love them. Last week Maia had a bad day, (we're still not sure what happened she might have pulled a muscle or maybe had a low-grade tick disease) she couldn't move, collapsed while trying to go to the bathroom, and was generally just in pain. That night I sat by her dog bed cried and apologized over and over for pushing her away all the time when all she wants is attention. Somedays I feel like the cat and dog add so much work to our already busy days, but then I see them with Keaton and I am so thankful they are part of our family.

[Kelsey]

We are also terrible pet owners - we have a high-energy dog who I think may have developed some sort of psychological trauma since we've had kids. But wow, he's still so loyal and good to the kids, and us. Animals are amazing that way.

A little way into that post I was kind of afraid you were going to tell us that it didn't happen to you, that your cat was treated the same as before. It's comforting to know that even the most dedicated pet lovers have pets that get knocked off their pedestal a bit.

[The Mama]

Agree! Our cats used to mean so much to us - and they are still great cats but once the baby comes they just pale in comparison. We used to try to measure out the food too but now we just leave a full bowl because one of our cats is a pig and is so annoying when hungry. He's getting fatter with all the food out but what can you do? And the litter box? Yeah, we should empty it more. Babies definitely lend perspective to having pets.

[Swistle]

One! Henry has that same dinosaur sleeper. Or I should say "had," because he outgrew it last week.

Two! The problem, I think, is that people get pets before they have babies. But the pets live longer than the space between not-babies and babies. So....poor pets.

Three! I found I got fond of the pets again when my youngest was close to three years old.

[Jen]

OH MAN.

Two weeks before I had Maggie, my dad said he would strangle our cats if they ever got near the baby or the baby's crib (they had made a habit already of climbing into the crib that was set up in the nursery) He was half-joking, of course, but was making a point. I proceeded to UGLY CRY all over the damn place (note: I am not typically a crier.)

Fast forward 15 months: we gave our cats away. To new, happy homes, of course- but still. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD DO THAT. But things change. They change SO MUCH after you have a baby. It's not a bad thing or a good thing, it just IS. And trying to explain that to someone who hasn't experienced it is impossible.

I'm happy we made the decision we did, I think it was the right one for us. Because not only were OUR feelings different toward the cats, but their behavior changed big time and it was just not working anymore. They weren't happy either. But still, I cried. It was awful.

I've tried to prepare my sister for this (no kids for them yet) They have 2 cats already and are planning to get a dog this summer. But there is no way to make anyone get it without them actually experiencing it. So, I'll just have to be here for her when she's flipping out over her cats stealing food from her baby's high chair. (OH YES. THEY DID.)

[Kirsten]

Hooooly shit you just wrote this post out of my own head. I would deny, deny and deny when people would warn me about this - and yet, it happened. Times 4. My patience level is so low now when it comes to my critters and I'm always apologizing to them. I actually have regretted having 3 cats (not my dog, she's a sweetie) which I never thought I would do. Crazy how these kids change our priorities all around isn't it?

[Lisa G.]

I was actually wondering how Cleo was faring after Theo--aaaaannnd...I just now realized that their names rhyme. Color me slow.

Anyway, you were the most dedicated, doting cat mommy ever, so I was curious about what may or may not have changed once Theo came along. What you have said is totally understandable though--I've often wondered how Yancy and I would handle Strider if we were to have a baby because yeah, as of right now, that cat drinks from the sink whenever Yancy or I are home with him, and he sleeps with "daddy." Anyway, I have a feeling things would change although I don't want them to, so no judgment from me. And as far as Juneau is concerned? I think I would have to find another home for him before even having the baby...with just me he's ok, but he's just a little too psycho for me to be comfortable with him around anyone else, especially a baby.

[Papa Bradstein]

Pets understand. They are patient. They know that you gave birth to their new best friend and playmate, and their willing to wait for that person to be ready to play and cuddle with.

[Maggie]

Confession time. When our twins were born, we had 2 dogs. Peyton, my choc lab (now 9) whom I have had since he was 6 weeks old. He is neurotic, loving and simply put, my "first born." He has been through a lot with me. We also had Daisy, a shelter dog whom we adopted. She is a lover and when the babies came, we were truly overwhelmed. You see, Daisy was just too "into them." She, no fewer than 6 times, gauged into their faces by jumping off of them. So we had to make the hard decision to put her up for adoption. The decision broke my heart (and still does). We took her on. She was our responsibility. I shunned and mocked those who gave up pets because of "allergies" (my husband is allergic to dogs and receives weekly shots) or newborns. But we had to for the safety of our children. We put her on craigslist and were going to keep her if we could not find an appropriate home for her with a family who could be at home more (she had severe separation anxiety issues so much so that the Arboretum ER Vet has a wing named after her as she had several occasions of "happy tail" and bleeding paws from trying to get out of the crate). She was only soothed by Peyton's presence. Anyway... we had her on craigslist. Long story short, we found an amazing family. The dad was a stay at home dad and their daughter wanted a dog in the worst way. We agreed to an "open adoption" where they would update us on her progress and if any issues arose, we would take her back. This was April 4, 2008 that she went to her new home and to this day, I still see her little face in their window as we left (me sobbing in the car driving away) and I still cry about this decision. I am still crushed and feel like I let Daisy down. Please don't judge me as so many did on craigslist...sometimes life just happens. Peyton is still neurotic as ever but he is wonderful with the twins. He is their older brother who protects them and tolerates their tail and ear pulling and occasional "pony rides." If I could have, I would have kept Daisy too because she is a gem. So if you miss a feeding, your pet still loves you no matter what. I still miss Daisy immensely and no longer judge those who give up pets (unless it's because of allergies). :)

[Don]

I know I'm late to the party but how in the world could you forget those awesome two days you had Monkey? I'm keeping this blog post from her as I fear the explaining I would have to do.

[Nursing top]

Wonderful story! actually i got the same story though it's much complicated mine. anyways, i love to read your post again. thanks for sharing! =)