Back To Me

Random, I know

Bryan asked me the other day if I could have anything I wanted what would it be.  And before I could answer he quickly clarified that it couldn't have anything to do with bills, debt or saving the world.  Just me.  Totally selfish.

I thought for a little while and said, "A spa weekend with Kristin.  Hotel stay, yoga, mani/pedi, facial, massage, crazy exfoliation treatments, seaweed wraps--the whole nine yards.  THAT is what I'd want. . . .well, and a whole new wardrobe so if I could get BOTH that would be great."

So this got me to thinking.  What would YOU want?  Don't think of anyone but yourself and the sky is the limit.  Ready, GO!

Here's how it's going to work. . . .

Found a nugget on the ol' internet today.  It's so fabulous I can't even do it justice.  So do me a favor:  turn up the volume and sit back and relax for the next 4:27 minutes.

Douchiest Phone Message In History

Because my day blew. . .

I am going to brag. It's my blog, afterall.

Ahem:

I gave birth one month ago. The day he was born I had gained 27 pounds, and sitting here right now I am only FIVE POUNDS away from pre-pregnancy weight. I have been wearing non-maternity pants since TEN DAYS after he was born. (And no, I haven't even attempted The Jeans yet, as my hips are still a little wide and why knowingly put myself through that kind of torture?). Three days before giving birth my belly measured 41.75" and today it is 34" at the belly button.

I have no other explanation for this other than he was born five weeks early and he nurses like a mo'fo' so the calories are literally getting sucked out of me.

Stretch Mark Status: Five small ones around my belly, but they look like mini bruises and will hopefully fade.

Foot Status: They did not get bigger. I repeat, they are the same size. My shoe collection will remain unspoiled!

That is all.

No need to thank me.

Happy Saturday. Enjoy.

Almost made me go into labor

Live to move another day

Well, I'm alive and fairly well.  Will post more details later because, c'mon, of COURSE there are a lot of details!  Thank you to those of you who have been peeking in to check on me, I really do appreciate it.  I'm just still so exhausted I have been behind on returning emails.  But I haven't cried since Friday night so things are already looking waaaaay up.

In addition to moving details, I still owe you updated belly pics.  Let me find the camera somewhere, and then locate the cable, and I'll post as soon as I can.  I don't think you can fully understand just how big the belly has gotten.  It's a sight to behold, I gotta say.

Happy Thursday y'all!

Let's cheer up around here, m'kay?

I tried to embed it but it won't work.  So click here for a bit from Eddie Izzard that is animated with Leggos.

Bryan and I can't stop watching it, and yes, we have a few favorite lines that we say on an almost daily basis.  Laugh out loud funny.  And don't forget "You'll need a tray!"

Happy Monday--you're welcome.

Also: this is only the tip of the iceburg. I highly recommend watching other YouTube clips of his. Pee-in-your-pants hilarity. Plus I might have a tiny crush on him.

Some random things you need to know to make your life better:

1. I just ate an entire frozen pizza by myself. And I don't feel the slightest bit guilty about it.

2. I cried in the car today while listening to an OnStar commercial.

3. Tomorrow starts the day when I can take a select few OTC cold medications. Am I way more excited than I should be? Um, yes.

4. In case you haven't checked your calendars, today is EXACTLY SIX MONTHS FROM OUR DUE DATE. Do you have any idea what this means? It means that in 180 days (give or take) we will be responsible for a little tiny human being. For which we have to care for and raise to be an upstanding member of society. Six months! That's it! There is still so much left to do! I don't even know how to knit properly yet or bake bread from scratch, so how can I be qualified to be a mother in only SIX MONTHS?

Oh man, I need to go lie down. . . .

An open letter to St. Ives lotion

Dear St. Ives lotion makers:

I've been a loyal customer for years.  You have helped me stay silky smooth and I apprecaite it.  I have helped you stay in business.  But the time has come in our relationship where we need to talk.

What posessed you to New and Improve your lotion?  I mean. . .why?  Why would you change THE SMELL on top of everything else?  Don't you know this is a critical time for me right now?  Of course not, because all you care about is yourself.  I'm not a huge fan of change, and I'm even less of a fan when it comes to new and crazy scents.  But I also happen to be pregnant, where my sniffer is currently on over-drive and the slightest disruption in the molecular structure of my bathroom will send me gagging.  Thanks for that.

You have betrayed me.  I now have to find another, which I'm not looking forward to doing but you leave me no choice.  Who will it be, I have no idea.  Curel?  Jergens?  Dare I say. . .Lubrederm?  Just keep an eye on the stock market and whoever has a sudden influx will be your answer.

I'm sorry it had to end this way.

Sincerely--

Samantha