Birthday suits

I'm sure I'm inviting all kinds of crazy here but I have a legitimate question/discussion to pose and I'd like to know your thoughts.  Play nice.

What are your opinions on children seeing parents of the opposite sex naked?  Let me explain: I grew up with just my mom, so I was never around an older man (specifically my father) where the possibility of seeing him naked existed.  I remember being at a friend's house in 7th grade on a sleepover when I saw her dad in his boxers and I flipped out I was so embarrassed.  Her response: "What's YOUR problem?  He does that all the time."  So stuff like this is totally foreign to me.

Theo isn't even a year old yet and I'm already starting to feel uncomfortable with him seeing me in the shower.  Some mornings he's in the bathroom playing while I get ready, and now I think that's going to stop.  He could care less--he's more interested in the light switch and tassels on the rug.  But I'd rather stop something before it gets weird for both of us.  If we had a daughter I'm sure we'd put the kibosh on Bryan getting ready or showering with her around too.

So I'm curious to know: how do you feel about this and why, and how old is too old for brazenly naked?

Comments

[Korinna]

Funny you bring this up. Ezra is eight months old and just the other day realized that I was starting to feel self-conscious around him while I was getting ready in the morning. Nudie, made me feel slight awkward. Undies and bra on, more comfortable.

A funny story...a friend's daughter (who is 2) recently saw a picture of Michealangelo's David. She then shouted, "Look, it's Daddy!"

Heh.

[clarabella]

Hmm, I am probably not the best person to ask, considering my family growing up was pretty immodest, and sometimes my mother still runs around the house in just her underwear (not too often), and we're all grown.
My son is 20 months old, and I still take baths with him and change, etc. in front of him. I think you have to make this kind of decision based on your own comfort level. If you're already feeling uncomfortable about this, then don't be naked in front of him anymore. Me, doesn't bother me a bit, and I think about it that I want my son to grow up not being embarassed about his body or others'. But that's how I feel. That doesn't mean you or anyone else, for that matter, will feel the same.
My father is German, and I tend to agree with his European sensibility that the (general) American view is a little uptight about nudity and sexuality. This doesn't mean I advocate public nudity and/or promiscuity. I just don't think there's anything wrong with my son seeing and knowing what the parts are of anatomically correct males and females. I want my son to grow up knowing that human bodies are amazing and beautiful, not dirty and/or something to be ashamed of. That said, he's barely 2, and I'm merely following his cues about reactions to bodies. He doesn't seem to care and/or notice when I'm naked, and when we're in the bath, he's still too entertained by the water to notice my body is different from his.
This is an interesting topic, and I am interested in what your other commenters think. Sorry I'm a little long-winded this morning. Good luck!

[BethanyWD]

I asked this question once of my co-workers when my son was about a year old and they thought it was HILARIOUS that I would even be worried about it.

My son is now five, and while I don't make it a point to change right in front of him, occasionally (like 2 days ago), he will need to come find me and talk to me when I am showering or getting dressed in the morning. He doesn't look at me weird and I don't make a big deal about it.

I do think it's important for kids to have an healthy understanding of their body, including that it's not okay for anyone but mom and dad (and the doctor when mom and dad are there) to touch certain areas of their bodies.

I think the previous poster had an interesting insight about listening to his cues about how he feels.

[Jennifer]

My family was probably neither modest nor immodest; my brother and I got tossed together into the bathtub (and sometimes mom came in with us) until we were close to ten years old probably. I was on the swim team my whole life which meant total nakedness in the locker room, and sometimes we'd "share" a locker room with the men's team when we traveled together (they'd string a sheet up between the two sides, which only encouraged us to horse around and peer over). I spent time in Japan as an adult which included a lot of time in the public baths. Again they were segregated male/female but the other gender's bath was usually right across the garden and neither side really had issues with that.

I've been told I'm "unusually liberal" about nakedness, but I think there's really been no harm done (to me or others around me) and after living abroad I do tend to look back at our American paranoia and wonder if/why we're just a bit too prudish.

In your own situation though, don't do things that make you uncomfortable. But maybe try to figure out if opposite-gender nakedness is a bad thing, or something to be taken as just second nature. Theo will learn the socially-acceptable modesty soon enough.

[Jennifer]

I should probably clarify the "ten years old" comment above, I'm sure we weren't in the same bathtub at age 10 (we would have been too tall & gangly to both fit) but I know that we'd go in and out of there (past each other, and past a possibly naked parent) until close to that age. By the time we started having completely segregated bathing, it wasn't because of embarrassment or parent-imposed modesty, it was because at that age we were fighting with each other all the time and would each refuse to "go in while Jimmy is in there messing things up" and other sibling squabbly reasons.

[Joy]

I also agree that it is totally a personal choice, and pass no judgment on what people choose as long as the child understands that human bodies are sacred and deserve respect. And to not be ashamed of his own.
I haven't really thought about this issue yet. Aidric is 5 months old and only notices my boobs because of obvious reasons. My body and even Mark's to some degree are his safe places now. He doesn't seem to care if we are clothed or not. Aidric, however, LOVES to be naked. He squeals and smiles and rolls around.
I think I will act as I normally do until Aidric starts behaving in a way that makes me think that I need to show him that a certain sense of modesty is healthy. That may be when he is one or five or later. I plan to take in in stride.
Whatever you choose to do is perfectly perfect for you. You should do what you feel is right, and don't worry about what you think you should do. You are an awesome Momma!

[Melissa]

Most people go by the way they were raised. I was raised in a more modest house, so that's where my comfort level is at.

After Oliver was a year and a half old or so,I felt uncomfortable being any sort of nekkid around him. Even if I had a bra on, he was starting to, uh, notice things... lol. Sometimes I'll change from sweats to jeans in front of him, but that's about it. On the other hand I don't want it to be weird. If he lifts up my shirt to see what's under there, I don't make a big deal out of it. I just say, "Yes, that's Mama's tummy and Mama's chest," and leave it at that. I'm trying to find a middle ground. I don't think there's anything wrong with modesty, but I also want him to see that the body is not something that is embarrassing or "off-limits" to see or talk about.

Of course this is not an issue with my husband. Oliver's gotten in the shower with George a few times and was absolutely delighted to see that Daddy had all the same parts, hehe.

I guess we all have to do what feels right to us!

[Joy]

I forgot to mention how I think about the fact that as artists we will have figure models and paintings of nudes around the house. How we will be bringing him to museums with nude figures in the paintings, etc.
I grew up with a pretty modest family. I never saw my Dad naked. I don't know how it would have been growing up differently - how it would have changed my self identity. Would I still have been a timid, low self esteem person anyway? Will never know. I just want Aidric to be proud of himself and his body, and to not be ashamed.
Okay, now I've rambled on enough, Samantha. Back to you...

[Cousin Becky]

Jeremy is freaked out about being naked in front of Amelia already. As for me, she used me as a bottle for 8 months, so I don't mind.

[Kristin C]

I couldn't have said it any better than Joy.

[Jen]

I think that if you're uncomfortable with it, then it's time to cover up. Dan has never felt okay with Maggie seeing him getting out of the shower, he's so freaked out about it (which I find hilarious, hehe) With me, I'm okay with it so far (we're both girls so it seems much less oogie) She has started pointing to my chest and saying 'boobs', thank you Daddy *rolls eyes* I don't think there's any right or wrong answer really, it all depends on the family and how you feel about it.

[Serenity Now]

I agree that it's just what you're comfortable with. I remember seeing my mom naked, and occasionally dad if I happened to walk in unexpectedly or something - but EW...I didn't WANT to see my dad naked. My mom wasn't such a big deal because we're both girls. I'm not freaked about being nekkid in front of Adam yet...but he's still little. I'm not sure how hubs feels about it - brings up an interesting point.

[Swistle]

I stop being naked in front of them when they start NOTICING I'm naked. That seems to happen around age 2 or 3, depending on alertness of child. But since I'm not naked much anyway (just to and from the shower, and I DO own a robe I can use), it hasn't been much of an issue. I'm much more comfortable with nakedness around my daughter than around my sons.

[Julia]

Go with what you feel comfortable with. Everyone has their own level of modesty.
My son is 19 months, and I am fine with taking in him the bath with me or changing around him. The pool where we go to swim allows kids of the opposite sex into changing rooms with their parents until age 6, so I figure that is about a good a guideline as any, unless either of us starts to feel weird about it before then.
As a nurse, I do think I have a much different perspective on nudity and the human body than the general population. Besides making me totally blase about nudity, and that there is nothing dirty or wrong with certain body parts, it has also taught me how important it is to respect other folk's comfort levels. Which leads back to my original point - it's really up to you.

[Mrs. CPA]

I say that when it makes you uncomfortable, it's time to stop. He might pick up something and think that being naked is bad and you don't want that. So just keep your clothes on. (Sorry, couldn't resist.) I imagine he doesn't care either way. Plus he's old enough for some independence while you're in the shower. Not roaming the apartment or anything, but something contained.

[Kate]

I may be in the minority here (so far anyway) but my kids still shower with me and/or hubby: son is 6 and daughter is 3. My son has noticed my body and made comments and I answer them as honestly (and as straight-faced) as I can. I just am of the belief that if you act as if there's something to be embarrassed of, they'll be embarrassed. We call body parts what they are (i.e. a penis is a penis) and try to just be matter-of-fact.

That being said, I do try to educate him that talking about some things isn't appropriate outside of our family and that sometimes his observations could be hurtful. I certainly don't parade around naked but I don't hide either. I've tried to teach him too, that there are times when a person needs privacy. As a previous poster said, he'll let me know when he's uncomfortable. Until then, we just do what we do.

To clarify, daughter showers with me almost daily, son on occasion, and both kids only very occasionally with daddy. I swear, we're not some weird nudist family! LOL

[Nadine]

It's a personal choice, whatever you feel comfortable with!

We're European so we are naked most of the time anyway. KIDDING. Seriously though, my husband and I don't care about the children seeing us naked in the bathroom or shower or whatever.

We both were brought up that way. I do however agree with you 100% that it's not cool to see friend's parents naked/ in boxers. That's just too much.

[Papa Bradstein]

Clarabella hits on an interesting point when she casually links nudity and sexuality. They're not the same thing, but Americans tend to link them and some of our discomfort comes from the belief that being naked is somehow a sexual act, which it's not. It's especially not a sexual act to kids since they don't know what sex and sexuality are.

It might help you to step back from the situation and examine what your goal as a parent is. What kind of person do you want to raise Theo to be and how does this affect that? Or does it affect that? Many people touched on the issue of self-image, which might be a consideration. My approach is similar to Kate's--although we don't shower with 3B, I'm matter-of-fact about nudity.

The fact is that we're family and we're all going to see, hear and share things about and with each other that we don't share with others. I don't make a point of strolling around naked, but I don't make a point of covering up, either.

You'll find the balance that works for you as a family together, and it will be what's best for all of you. Remember that you're a thoughtful and loving mom, which is what's most important to Theo.

[Matthew]

I have always operated under the thought that if you don't make a big deal out of things, then it won't be a big deal.

Just today I had to shower while the kids were eating breakfast in my bedroom and they decided to come into the adjoining bathroom before I was done.

I spoke with them and finished showering, dried off and dressed while they watched. No one ever mentioned my nudity. I figure it's natural and while they are young we shouldn't make a big deal out of it. When they get older you can talk to your child about what is appropriate. Until then, just go with it.

[Aimee Greeblemonkey]

I think whatever works for you is right.

Dex is 6 and both Bryan and I are starting to stop being outright naked in front of him now. Like, if he passes through the room, I don't snatch clothes or anything, but I always make more of an effort to cover up in his presence.

And also, since my dad died when I was 11 and it was all drama before that, I also only grew up with my mom pretty much.

[dear wife]

Well Hawkes is 2 and still sometimes baths with me and still nurses so I am not too concerned about it. We plan on child led weaning so he will probably be seeing my boobs at least for awhile. I want to teach him that nuditiy is okay and nothing to be ashamed of or obsessed about. My dad always slept in the nude growing up, but would put on underware around us so I did see him in just tighty whities even as a teenager. I did not think anything of it.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

My kids are almost five and we still occasionally shower together. They take showers with my husband too.

So far there is no level of awkwardness at nakedness in our house.

I guess I'll worry about it when the kids get uncomfortable.

[Maggie Callaghan]

I came from an overly modest (don't even get me started about S-E-X...taboo!!) household so I am determined to be a tad more open about this kind of stuff. The twins point to my boobs and private areas. I am okay with it. They gotta learn some how. With that being said, I am so not going to be one of those creepy moms (or Rory one of those dads) who walks around naked all the time and in front of their fronts. Modesty is good but balanced with the importance of being honest about body parts with your kids. Not that you have to flaunt it to them and say, "see momma's boobs?!" :) but if they happen to see ya naked and they point and/or ask...then tell them what they are lookin' at.

[Kristy - Where's My Damn Answer]

I'm not sure. There are some GREAT comments in here though.

My son didn't really see me naked much. I grew up in a family where it just didn't happen. Yes my Dad would walk around occasionally in his underwear, but that was it. My Mom would let us see her running to and from the shower but not ALL the time, more of a "oops". haha

When my son was about 5 years old, he started wanting his own privacy and would often say, "Mom I'm not changing in front of you ... it's GROSS". So he kind of made that decision for us - hah.

[LiLu]

I don't have munchkins so I might have less of a vote... but I consider myself to be very, I don't know, not-modest? And I would feel weird about seeing someone's Dad in his boxers. And I think right about a year old is when I'd start feeling weird being naked in front of my son. So I guess we're on the exact same page. There's just something about parental boundaries, I suppose.