The Carpet Chronicles

I had a whole other post ready and rarin' to go. Honest. Then, as I was cleaning out the office (AKA Flood Central) I found Eight New Kitty Pee Stains. EIGHT. And that, my friends, is when I lost my shit.

I am now accepting donations of: Prozac, carpet cleaner, Nature's Miracle, Prozac, any ClubMed vacation, a free house, scrub brushes, Prozac, litter boxes, or paper bags so I can try to breathe.

[UPDATE: You all are going to think I'm making this up but I swear it's the truth. While cleaning up pee stains I noticed it was getting muggy in here so I went around the corner to the dining room where the thermostat is. It was in the 'on' position but it wasn't working. I happened to look up at the ceiling and I saw a huge water stain. Fabulous. Called the office and a maintenance guy (a friend of mine who I used to work with) came up. He said the circuit blew and that's why it wasn't on. He went to the breaker panel, flipped a few things and then went over to the dining room to see if it was on. {Sidenote: at this point he had already taken off the metal panel that covers the vent so he could inspect the complex innerworkings of our HVAC unit}. As soon as he got in the dining room there was this loud popping noise and Mr. Maintenance jumped three feet in the air and started freaking out. Before he could get to the A/C unit the noise stoped, but smoke started billowing out. He said that he saw flames shooting out, but it stopped. The living room and dining area smelled so strongly of smoke that he brought an industrial sized blower to air the place out. The fire, in conjunction with the constant drip-drip-dripping in the office from the window, made us wonder if there was water in the upstairs apartment which happens to be VACANT. He went up to check and wouldn't you know it? The upstairs living room is FILLED with water! That's why our A/C doesn't work! That's why we're getting a bucket full of water filled every day in our office! That's why there is a water stain on our ceiling! And that's why our apartment almost caught on fire! Send. Help.]

Comments

[Bubba's Sis]

They seriously need to fix your apartment as good as new - or just give you a new one! That's ridiculous!

[Bubba's Sis]

P.S. I'd send you some Prozac but I really, really need it right now!

[bestfriend]

Dear God. I can't even believe the insanity over there. What the F**K!!!!????

You need to get the hell out of that place before it spontaneously combusts.

[cjh]

Dear. God.

[Jonathon Morgan]

UGH. sounds like "one of those days" multiplied by 1,000

[Jake & Tracy]

Sounds to us like a certain old boss is trying her hardest to "evict" you.

Good Luck!! Let us know if you need any help/Prozac :-)

[Maggie Callaghan]

Please tell me you are prorating and/or withholding your August rent to include those days without A/C and/or that you have been inconvenienced by this carpet debaucle. Keep good notes. That is my legal training in action! :)Maggie

[SJ]

Sounds like a lawsuit maybe?

I would be raising holy hell right about now....

[aimee]

i have some old tranquilizers from when the dentist acvidentally stabbed my tongue, woulc that suffice? I think they expired in 1998 though.

[Librarian Girl]

Oh. My. God.

This has got to end soon, right?

[andrea]

i think it's time you move. erase that place from your existence. there must be some cosmic carryover from the old poopy job. you got a new job so now you need a new home! and they should subtract all the damage inconvienance from your rent, ask about it!

[Sassy]

Holy crap. That sucks massive amounts of arse. I so agree that you need a serious amount of compensation because wow.

[Chris]

Nothing you don't already know, but that bites!